Clothes Shopping and Torchwood thoughts

Spoilers for T2/11 “Adrift”

I seem to be quite alone in my reaction, but this episode upset me terribly. I can’t get it out of my mind. Maybe it’s because I’m called Ruth (the name of the actress playing Nikki) and I have a teenage son. For me, it plumbed depths of darkness that even the Owen character arc didn’t go anywhere near.

I also have some experience of mental illness and anything about people being shut away in asylums horrifies me. Also I cannot help thinking about Jack carrying the burden of looking after all those people, pretty much alone.

To be honest I’ve been surprised-bordering-on-horrified that the most common response I’ve read has been Jack/Ianto squee – come on people, we all knew it was going on! For me, it was far more haunting than that.

It’s also had the effect of pretty much stalling my current multli-chapter fic, which basically puts Ten and Rose into TWS2. I feel so emotional about “Adrift” generally that it seems almost tasteless to play around writing fic on it, a bit like writing 9/11 fanfic or something. I’m still completely emotionally drained by the scene of Nikki and Jonah’s reunion.

We went into a dark world there, a world where I can’t imagine even the Doctor making things a lot better. I just don’t feel able to write about it at the moment. And it’s made me view the Lever Room scene from “Doomsday” and the Doctor’s scream quite differently. The possibility that Rose could have suffered a similar fate to Jonah must have been in his mind.

Maybe I’d feel less gutted if I hadn’t just finished “Trace Memory” – another rather dark look at the heartbreaking nature of Jack’s life and his inability to sustain meaningful connections with people. People go on about Tinkerbell Jesus Doctor but I find Jack the closest thing to a Christ figure in the Whoniverse, in his seemingly endless suffering on behalf of other people.

Anyway, I’d be interested to know whether it hit anybody else out there as hard as me, or if everyone is just busy squeeing about naked Janto and the joys of April 5th.

In other news, I went to the Trafford Centre – our local shopping mega-mall, today, and bought a lot of new clothes. This is something I rarely do, since I don’t seem to be very successful at it, but I’ve swollen to a Size 20 (that’s UK 20) recently and hardly anything fits me any more. I’m sure other ladies of a certain age have this dilemma – when do you admit, finally, that those extra pounds won’t come off, the nice tight jeans are going to stay in the wardrobe, and dress accordingly? For me the impetus has been a forthcoming trip to Venice and the horrible awareness of what Italians would think of my wardrobe, which is dominated by £15.00 M&S trousers and bobbled, shapeless fleeces. Also T-shirts which take very little encouragement to reveal a hideous roll of what my DD calls “belly, Mum” when I bend over.

Fashion seems to be on my side for once, since the high-waisted smock shape is in vogue for ladies’ tops, and allows you to cover a multitude of sins. As well as being rather overweight, I am distinctly pear-shaped. I have resisted going into the stores for plus sizes for a long time but in fact it was liberating to have more choice. I’ve now perfected a strategy – do the initial cruise shopping on-line, then go and see how the stuff looks in RL, then order sizes not in stock on-line.

Anyway, for just under £250 I managed to pick up four pairs of trousers, a light mac, five tops, some new undies and a linen suit. Mission accomplished. I do not often get through a day’s shopping without spending anything on books or DVDs, but today I managed it somehow, and now I can look forward to my hols (even though I’ll be away on April 5th.)


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